I’ve gotten a few emails asking me about ye olde Natural Family Planning, known here in the blogosphere as NFP. So far, I’ve managed to demure on the issue but I’ve decided that now is the time for me to say something.
I’m not going to talk about it.
There, I said something. Happy now?
There’s a number of reasons why I’ve elected not to share that part of my life with you all for the time being and here are seven of them:
- Because modesty is about more than just the clothing you wear.
Lindsay had a great post awhile ago about modesty in speech/how we ought to be very careful when we choose to share intimate details of our lives with friends, co-workers and baristas. I’ve really taken that to heart. At the end of the day, talking about NFP is not for me because I choose to keep that part of my life private.
- Because I’m not twee enough to talk about sex like many married people.
Seriously. If I ever write the word “baby dust” in a non-snarky manner, you have my permission to call my next-of-kin and have me committed. Sex is great and beautiful and Holy, so I’m not why newlyweds feel compelled to adopt 12-year old AIM speak when they talk about it.
Which leads me to my next point…
- And also because “we’re practicing” is the grossest thing ever said or written.
Hork
I’ve been thinking about the expression “We’re practicing!” and trying to articulate why it bothers me so much for awhile now. I think I’ve distilled it into a few salient ideas:
- It’s not cute.
- The idea that your entire sexual relationship up until pregnancy is “practicing” to get pregnant makes me sad. Do you really mean to imply that if the sex isn’t knocking you up (or practicing to knock you up) that it means nothing? Why cheapen your relationship like that?
- Along the same vein, I find the expression to be more than a little insensitive to folks that are struggling to grow their families (or maybe can’t have children at all). If you having sex with your spouse is “practicing,” then what is it for them? Pointless? Well that’s dumb.
- Because I like my blog friends and don’t want to hurt their feelings.
This is us, friends! I don’t want to ruin it.
While I certainly don’t want to thoughtlessly offend any of my friends who may be struggling with infertility, I also don’t want to offend my blog friends who are out there being single and stuff.
Because — and be honest here — would you really still like me so much if my blog went hardcore NFP/TTC/WTF/BBQ all day every day?
- Because my Dad reads my blog.
Hi Dad!
- And also because half of my cousins and in-laws also read my blog.
I know you’re out there and I don’t want to gross you out, okay? Also, I never want to eat dinner with people who have been forced to read about basal body temperature. Ever.
- Because my husband said “no.”
…and that’s a perfectly okay reason by me.
For more quick takes, hop skip and jump on over to This Ain’t the Lyceum.
Super Swell Times 
Your 5 and 6 are why I don’t talk about NFP stuff either. Well not that your dad and cousins read my blog, but that mine do. LOL
You never know! Maybe my family does read your blog, too!
I can see why you’d have these reasons. I am looking to connect and talk to people who use NFP, and I have searched resources online. It can be confusing and isolating, even in Catholic circles. Not only do 3% of Catholics practice NFP (statistic I read), but how do you strike up THAT conversation? I blog under a pseudonym, so I don’t have the same concerns you do, but I wish more people would talk about NFP.
Oh, I totally feel you that it’s sort of a hush hush subject. I do know, however, that most diocese (at least that I’ve heard of) do offer classes in it, so that might be a good way for you to meet other likeminded people.
Your pics are too funny and I agree with you the “we’re practicing” expression does sound weird.
It skeeves me out just thinking about it, actually.
I really appreciate this post! I’ve sat down to try and write about NFP before and it just never goes right. I talk about it with people face to face, but I think I’m just not comfortable writing it. Not my calling – at least right now. Maybe someday inspiration will strike I’ll be able to be articulate about it. But right now, it just is not for me
See that’s where I’m at right now. I’ll have conversations with people in person about it — because I think normalizing things is good, but I have no desire whatsoever to blog about it. Not my calling. Instead, I’m just going to tell the world all about my adventures in Graduate Level Canon Law.
I love this post. 🙂 And I think my MIL (sneakily) reads my blog behind my back, so yeah, definitely never posting about our NFP choices!!
Ahahaha. That’s the best.
Amen! And I am delighted to be mentioned among such cute bear gifs.
I think there’s a big difference in what you *might* talk about with your close friends face to face and what you essentially shout to the world on a blog. As Ari mentioned, it is helpful to have a witness to the truth that there are Catholic married couples who actually *don’t* use contraception. There’s no need to share all the details, though, or really any of them.
Thanks, Lindsay! I appreciate you.
Popping in from TATL – love your reasoning and I think there definitely is a modesty issue when it comes to bedroom relations *ahem*
What happens behind closed doors is between you, your husband and God. For those for whom such topics are their calling, general information and answering readers’ enquiries is decidedly preferable to TMI. Thanks for your “takes” on the topic 🙂
Grainne
Thanks for your thoughts, Grainne!
I should say that I’m definitely thrilled that there are people out there who are willing to talk about it — I just doubt I’ll ever be one of them.
Love the bear .gif. My dad reads my blog, too, so yeah . . . . On the other hand, my parents both taught NFP. When I was engaged my dad asked, “So have you started charting your cycles–just for fun?” I about died. I think my parents and I have a tacit understanding that we can talk about IT in general terms, but never ever in specific terms.
You can borrow my hork gif any time.
I just like you SO MUCH. That’s all 🙂
I like you SO MUCH also!
Oh! Just remembered something relevant. Right after Halloween, I blogged about having been “in great need of confession after making poor choices Halloween night.” (True story.) My friend Dan read it and demanded details. I said no. The only reason I mentioned it at all was that I wanted to give witness that (a) even people who are usually on point sometimes mess up big time, (b) actual regular Catholics go to confession, and (c) I went as soon as I realized the need. There’s no need to scandalize anyone with details. And I had witnesses, unfortunately. That’s embarrassing enough!
Ahahahaha. It was Halloween. All major public poor decisions on Halloween, while still confession-able automatically get knocked done to venial sins, I think. That sounds right, right?
Eh, maybe you had to be there. (Although I’m glad you weren’t; it’s bad enough that a church friend was there!) I definitely needed to go. I had already planned to for my regular once-a-month trip. More Confession is better than less, right? Unless you’re scrupulous. I’m not obsessive enough to be scrupulous, so I never get that “must confess now or I’ll go straight to hell if I get hit by a car and die” feeling. It’s more like an “I already knew that was a bad idea and I didn’t flee immediately” feeling. I guess if I got a really huge penance and wanted to argue it down based on culpability, then I would. I never get a penance that takes more than a few minutes, though.
This reminds me that I meant to post about my Confession habits during Advent. Lent is somehow less than a month away, so maybe it’s almost timely again!
“if I got a really huge penance and wanted to argue it down based on culpability, then I would” This really tickled me. LOL.
(Don’t mean to be a creeper! I opted in to comment notifications on this post since I commented earlier.)
Oh, it’s not creepy at all! The Internet is basically public, anyway. I’m glad that came off as funny. It was supposed to be funny, not like “oh, look at me with my 3 Hail Marys; enjoy your 8 holy hours, sinner!”
LOL again!
I am dying over here. Dying.
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