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When it comes to Halloween costumes, I hold myself to two cardinal rules:

  1. The costume must require as little explanation as possible.
  2. The costume must be warm.

The year I decided to be a dinosaur, I discovered just how versatile a men’s XXL sweatsuit is for costume making. This year — in part due to Emily’s encouragement — I’m going as a penguin. Here is a step-by-step list of how I made it happen.

First, buy your sweatsuit. This year, I managed to score a XXXL black number at Meijer in Michigan. As soon as I got it home, I demanded that Bret take a series of extremely attractive pictures of me in it.

Here it is, in all it's oversized glory.  Not pictured: The number of times those pants fell down in the process of this photo shoot.

Here it is, in all it’s oversized glory.
Not pictured: The number of times those pants fell down in the process of this photo shoot.

This is the sexy version.

This is the sexy version.

Second, dismantle a child’s sweatshirt. The idea here is to get as many large pieces of fabric possible.

IMG_0556

My assistant, checking my work.

My assistant, checking my work.

Third, cut and attach the white pieces. You want it to look like an adorable penguin belly.

IMG_0566

As you can see, my pieces didn't match up over the zipper. I was momentarily very upset like the gif below. But, you know, YOLO.

As you can see, my pieces didn’t match up over the zipper. I was momentarily very upset. But, you know, YOLO.

Forth, use the pants to make wings. Serious, all you have to do is rip out the seams and attach the pant legs.

Check out my wings. So flappy.

Check out my wings. So flappy.

Close up on the film noir beak and eyes.

Close up on the film noir beak and eyes.

Voila! I’m a penguin!

What are you going to be for Halloween?

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